Friday 27 February 2015

The truth disguised as a lie (Episode 23)

A_Boy_Named_Sue: its a good hting ur still alive cuz now I can KILLLLLLLLL YOOOOOOOOOOU!

PerilousPennyPine: Aw, I missed you too.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Anders is PISSSSSSSSSSED at u adn so am i

PerilousPennyPine: Look, I've said I'm sorry.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: wht teh blue hlel where u THINKIGN?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: I havn't breathed since u left htat msg.

PerilousPennyPine: I know! I'm sorry! Flat tire on the road into Winnipeg after leaving Varco Lake.

PerilousPennyPine: And if you want to talk about a woman panicking at the side of the road because of a flat tire? Me. All me. I thought someone shot my tire out to stop me, and my number was up. Turns out it was a regular old roofing nail, and I was so relieved I fell down and cried on the side of the road.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: What teh hell were you thinkign, goign up to VL like htat?

PerilousPennyPine: I'll tell you what I was thinking.

PerilousPennyPine: Gil Burton called up me the second I landed in Edmonton and I'd left the airport. He said you were right about Wyrd scrapping the budget for quarantine, and he was worried sick that something was about to happen to Ishmael if we didn't do something to pull him out of there ASAP.

PerilousPennyPine: Actually, he told me he was more worried about that Dr. Eva Foster woman - the researcher that the Padre scratched and cross-infected? He says that she was working on research extremely valuable to Wyrd and that she was on the verge of a massive breakthrough, and he wanted to get her out.

PerilousPennyPine: He figured if he could find a reason to send a search and rescue party to get Ishmael out, maybe they could grab Dr. Foster at the same time.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: That still doesn't explain why you WENT TO VARCO LAKE!!!!

PerilousPennyPine: ...

PerilousPennyPine: Are you done?

PerilousPennyPine: ...

PerilousPennyPine: Good. Hear me out.

PerilousPennyPine: You said you saw Dr. Burton once.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Yeah, so what?

PerilousPennyPine: His MS is so bad these days that he can't get out of Varco Lake. He doesn't have the luxury of going down to the local variety store to buy a new prepaid phone. Everything he does online, he has to do through the monitored Wyrd servers. He took a big enough risk calling my phone to ask me to come up there.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Yes, but everybody who wants Ishmeal dead is at Varco Lake! And everyone who wants Ihsmael dead wants his ALLIES dead, too! And there all concentrated in 1 big clump at Varco Lake! Where they can walk around in fur and fangs like ALL THE TIME.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Dumbass!

A_Boy_Named_Sue: I haven't slept since Friday! Damn it!

PerilousPennyPine: Dude, it's not that bad, all right?

PerilousPennyPine: I'm touched that you were worried, but damn it, I've been a field ops agent for fourteen and a half years. I wouldn't last that long - and still human - if I didn't know how to handle myself.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: You could have at least called from there to tell me you were still in one piece.

PerilousPennyPine: No reception for that carrier up there.

PerilousPennyPine: It's literally the dead centre of the country, horizontally and vertically. There are practically no cell towers up there.

PerilousPennyPine: Trust me, if I could have called you, I would have.

PerilousPennyPine: If I trusted the Wyrd landline, I would have called you. If I could trust the Wyrd servers, I would have Skyped you or messaged you or something! Anything.

PerilousPennyPine: Never mind. Do you want to hear my news or not?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: What I want is to throttle you. What I need is news.

PerilousPennyPine: Then I'll give you what you need.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Then do it!

PerilousPennyPine: I never got to talk to Gil Burton.

PerilousPennyPine: I talked to Angie Burley instead.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: WTF!!!!!!1!!!!

PerilousPennyPine: There were like three other guys following me around, just watching me and getting closer and closer all the time, like they meant to grab me or something. So Angie runs downstairs and says "There you are! You're late. Come into my office."

PerilousPennyPine: I go up to her office and I'm like...shit...what do I say? I suck at making things up on the spot. I should be better at this.

PerilousPennyPine: So I tell her that I had a call from someone asking me to come to Varco Lake and investigate a problem with the Wyrd Intranet. She asks me what. So I pull the biggest, scariest lie straight out of my ass and say "Someone has hacked the archives."

A_Boy_Named_Sue: WTF!!!!!!1!!!! Again!!!!!!!

PerilousPennyPine: Dude, seriously, chill. If you're popping a vein now, you're going to burst an aorta by the time I get to the end of my story.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: God! Damn! It!

PerilousPennyPine: So I tell her, "I think someone hacked the archives a couple of weeks ago and made a copy onto a private drive."

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Nnnnrrrrgh!!!!!!

PerilousPennyPine: And then she says, "Whoa...you know about that?"

PerilousPennyPine: So now I'm stuck and I have to keep making shit up as I go along. I keep it general, like, "Yeah, I think there was a whole block of information about this safe house or quarantine or something, total copy and paste onto a private drive...?"

A_Boy_Named_Sue: I have no fingernails left. I'm about to start chewing fingerbones. Why are you still ALIVE...?

PerilousPennyPine: Just wait, it gets better.

PerilousPennyPine: So then I tell her I think it's connected to Ishmael's capture and termination. And her face just goes totally slack. "You think Ishmael's been set up?" I tell her I think so. I tell her that the video was leaked to a couple of Wyrd agents - I had to say I got it from Larch, but she'll forgive me later. If not, she'll kill me, and I'd rather her do it, than Jay.

PerilousPennyPine: Anyhow, I tell her I couldn't resist taking a good look at the video, and I told her about the flaw I want to look at.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Which you haven't even explained to me yet.

PerilousPennyPine: Shadows on a couch. I need someone to analyze the lighting to prove what I'm looking at, but I think that's where we can start.

PerilousPennyPine: Anyhow, I tell her what I know. She brings up the video and asks me to show her. She asks me if I told anyone else. I said I was going to bring it up to Gil Burton, because everyone knows he's good friends with Ishmael, since they were roommates in college and everything, and that I was going to go and talk to him next. She said it was a good idea, but that I should have trusted her enough to go to her first.

PerilousPennyPine: And then - you'll never guess what happens next.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: No, I probably won't!

PerilousPennyPine: She took me over to Abram Haberman's office.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: There goes the aorta.

PerilousPennyPine: She tells him everything.

PerilousPennyPine: That man has the scariest damned poker face in the WORLD, dude. I may have left a little pee in his office.

PerilousPennyPine: He picks up the phone. He calls Harvey. The guy who found the video in the first place.

PerilousPennyPine: Write this date down.

PerilousPennyPine: August 8th, 2008. 08/08/08. Easy date to remember.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Why is this date important?

PerilousPennyPine: That's the first time the username 1_L0NE_Srvr appeared in that porno chat room. And that's when Wyrd first started wondering about Ishmael's ethics.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: That's the date the first video was posted?

PerilousPennyPine: No, that happened on September 4th, 2009.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: About three months after the first quarter million dollars was transferred from the Wyrd account to the account in San Jose.

PerilousPennyPine: Right. The video was pulled down shortly after that. But then another one went up about six months later, and both Haberman and Burley saw that one. Cruddy camera, lousy lighting, fuzzy picture, the whole nine yards. It wasn't enough to convince them that it was real, so they didn't charge Ishmael with anything.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Any others?

PerilousPennyPine: Six videos total.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: And 6 quarter million dollar transfers.

PerilousPennyPine: I don't see a coincidence, do you?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Did you tell them about the transfers?

PerilousPennyPine: No. I was already neck-deep, and until I was safe in Winnipeg, I still thought it might be a trap. So I kept you out of it.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Thank God, and thank you.

PerilousPennyPine: So after Haberman calls Harvey, he asks me what I need to look into these videos further. I tell him the name of the software, and I ask him if we know anyone who can use it. So he picks up the phone and makes some more calls, all overseas.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: But not to San Jose.

PerilousPennyPine: Not that I could tell. At one point he was speaking in Japanese. Seriously, dude. Old bald-headed, white-bread, suit-jackets-over-turtlenecks, Vote-Conservative-Or-GTFO Captain Fricking Ahab, shooting the shit in flawless Japanese. Certainly explains his collection of katana at the back of his office.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: That is some scary stuff right there.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: I mean, suit jackets over turtlenecks?

PerilousPennyPine: Then he told me he'd get back to me as soon as he could. Told me to stay at Varco Lake overnight - Angie put me up in a room and gave me a beeper in case anyone tried to break in and do whatever.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Uh...okay, wow...

PerilousPennyPine: I know, right?

PerilousPennyPine: So I get to Winnipeg and I call in like I said I would. And Haberman's got TWO NAMES for me already. Told me to get in touch with them pronto and start working with them by teleconference.

PerilousPennyPine: Dude...he wants us to prove Ishmael is innocent.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: ...

PerilousPennyPine: I know, right? I'm speechless too.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: That's not it.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Does he want us to prove Ishmael is innocent?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Or confirm Ishmael's guilt, by proving the authenticity of the evidence?

PerilousPennyPine: At this point, honestly? I don't care what his motives are.

PerilousPennyPine: Because I know what I see on this video, and I know I can prove Ishmael innocent.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: There's another way we can test his loyalty to Ishmael.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: I think it's my turn to talk to the old captain.






Wednesday 25 February 2015

Two Missed Calls (Episode 22)

Transcribed voice mail on Sumac's private, prepaid cell phone. Sunday, September 21, 3:45 p.m. MST.

Hey. Sorry I didn't get online like I thought I would yesterday. Hell of a week, and I just couldn't trust the WiFi at the hotel.

First time in years I've been in South Korea. God, I miss a good Kimchi. Nothing detoxes your system quite like fermented cabbage soup.

Anyhow, I just got back, and I took your advice while I was away. I haven't looked once at the video since I left for the airport four days ago. In fact, I left it on a thumb drive hidden in a waterproof bag in my toilet tank, deleted it from my home computer, and left my home computer in the wall safe in my apartment. Unfortunately, that didn't stop me from dreaming about that stupid video all night, every night. Did you know you can zoom-in, in your dreams?

So anyways, when I got back home, the first thing I did was load up the video and take another look.

And dude, I swear to you, I think I've got it. All that unconscious zooming in and out did the trick.

I think I've finally found the problem I was staring at for.

It was on the couch, right under the

<end of message>




-----



Transcribed voice mail on Sumac's private, prepaid cell phone. Sunday, September 21, 3:47 p.m. MST.


Sorry! Sorry. Sorry. I have no idea where that last message cut off some I'm gonna say this really fast. The important thing to know is this: I'm on my way up to Varco Lake right now.

In order for me to prove what I'm looking at, I'm gonna need heavy duty processing software and an expert who knows how to use it. 

I have a hypothesis, and now I need a hardcore nerd to prove or disprove it.

Problem is, to get that kind of equipment and personnel, I'm going to have to ask for some budget, and I'm going to have to do it above board. That means going back to the same Wyrd Council that threw Ishmael's ass into quarantine. 

So that's why I'm going to start with talking to Dr. Burton. If Anders trusts him, I'll trust him.

And that means they're going to wonder how in the hell I got my hands on this video, and why I've been digging into its authenticity.

Hope you have news about those accounts. Send me a message, if you can.

And wish me luck. If you don't hear from me by Tuesday morning, assume the worst.

I feel like I'm walking right into the lion's

<end of message>






Monday 23 February 2015

The game is afoot (Episode 21)

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Why are you still up?

PerilousPennyPine: Why, what time is it?

PerilousPennyPine: Holy crap. I've got a flight in four hours. Well...looks like I'll be sleeping on the plane again. Ugh.

PerilousPennyPine: Why are you still up?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Still trying to get information on the account in Seattle. I'm hitting walls. And I'm even ripping out the stops on this one.

PerilousPennyPine: Any luck finding out which Wyrd account was accepting those funds?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: No. Chloe can't find anything either.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: We were hoping you could help us.

PerilousPennyPine: Give me everything you can find. Maybe I can dig up something in the archives.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: You want to find a password protected file, probably under a directory named like, "Source_Omni_Cashout" or something like that. Maybe "Source_Omni_Ident."

PerilousPennyPine: But definitely "Source_Omni_something."

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Yeah. Omnispectrus is the name of the company I work for - Wyrd owned accounting firm.

PerilousPennyPine: All right. I can work with that.

PerilousPennyPine: What about common users? Who updates the file?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Uh, check for the name Prentice Sykes.

PerilousPennyPine: Your boss?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Wyrd HR director. He'd be the one in charge of all the personnel files from 2010 to 2014.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Any luck with the video?

PerilousPennyPine: That's why I haven't gone to bed yet.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: But you got it?

PerilousPennyPine: Yeah, Chloe sent it over.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: She wants to know if you can see any kind of a date stamp hidden somewhere in the file, whatever that means.

PerilousPennyPine: I think she's referring to the video's metadata.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Hang on, I'll ask her.

PerilousPennyPine: She's right there with you?!

A_Boy_Named_Sue: On the phone.

PerilousPennyPine: Tell her I think the metadata has been edited.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Is there any way we can tell how old the video is?

PerilousPennyPine: These things take time, Sumac.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: All right, all right...

PerilousPennyPine: What does she know already about the video?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: I'll ask.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: She says one of the lycanthropic agents, Harvey, found it online at a really sketchy snuff film fetish site.

PerilousPennyPine: Do I want to know what he was doing on that site in the first place?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Sure. He monitors the site because he's been tracking down a pair of rogues who use it to post homemade werewolf porn.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Rule 34.

PerilousPennyPine: Disgusting.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Dangerous. The women in the videos aren't lycanthropic.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Chloe says that he took notice when a new username cropped up on a thread between those two rogues.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: The username was "1_L0NE_Srvr". Claims that was proof enough it was Ishmael. "One Lone Server / Survivor". Then he saw the video you're watching.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Is it as bad as I think it is?

PerilousPennyPine: Well...it's not porn.

PerilousPennyPine: But you can tell they're not enjoying themselves.

PerilousPennyPine: Looks like they're going through false starts. No one's in the room with them to explain what's going on. They keep looking at their own hands and screaming. One of them keeps trying to pull her skin off, as if she's wearing gloves instead of growing fur.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Special effects?

PerilousPennyPine: Dude, so far, I can't see any signs of alteration.

PerilousPennyPine: My brain keeps telling me that I'm on crack, that I'm not watching something quite real. But my brain does that every time I see a werewolf change in real life, too. I get woozy in the head, like I'm swimming down a vortex and drowning.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: I literally have no idea what you just said there.

PerilousPennyPine: I mean, I'm looking at this video frame by frame with all sorts of different digital analysis software, and I can't explain why there are eight women turning into incomplete Ishmael-type animals.

PerilousPennyPine: I don't see any digital tracking latency, no proportional distortion when the change facial expressions...

A_Boy_Named_Sue: So there's no way to prove that the video is fake.

PerilousPennyPine: Sherlock Holmes always said "Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

PerilousPennyPine: Well the problem is, once you watch your first werewolf transform, from that moment until the day you die, nothing is impossible.

PerilousPennyPine: That makes it hella difficult to eliminate the impossible.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: But there is still room for doubt.

PerilousPennyPine: Plenty! First of all, think about what Anders said.

PerilousPennyPine: He said that he left no survivors behind in Mississippi, except for Ishmael.

PerilousPennyPine: How did he know how many feline-types there were in Mississippi at the time?

PerilousPennyPine: How can he be sure that Ishmael was the only one to escape?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: I wonder if those women are turning out like the cats in Mississippi. Feral, uncontrollable. The anti-Ishmaels.

PerilousPennyPine: It could be.

PerilousPennyPine: But I can't explain it. There's something annoying the back of my mind. There's something wrong with this video, and I can't put my finger on it.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: How long have you been at it so far?

PerilousPennyPine: It's four a.m. now...Got the video yesterday afternoon at three...

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Sleep on it, if you can.

PerilousPennyPine: I need to catch a plane.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Then do something else for a bit. Maybe the right side of your brain is trying to tell you something, but the left side won't shut up long enough for you to hear it.

PerilousPennyPine: Maybe.

PerilousPennyPine: But God, it's annoying.

PerilousPennyPine: Need any help on the account in Seattle?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: I'm cashing in some favours right now. Forensic accountants...we're a funny bunch.

PerilousPennyPine: I've noticed.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: I'm working on a couple of theories of my own, which might help to narrow down the search.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: There are a hell of a lot of banks in Washington state.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Ooh - hang on. Looks like I have another night owl.

PerilousPennyPine: Doesn't anybody sleep?

PerilousPennyPine: Ugh, just thinking about it makes me yawn.

PerilousPennyPine: ...

PerilousPennyPine: Did you fall asleep?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Hang on 5 min

PerilousPennyPine: I'll give you twenty. Since I'm up, I might as well take a shower now.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: ...All right I'm back, and I have news.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Namely, I'm a dummy. But you probably already know that.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: ...Hey, you there?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: ...

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Uh...Penny?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: ...And now you're not answering your phone? What the hell????

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Wow, girl...forty-five minutes and counting. Did you fall in the shower? Do you need CPR?

PerilousPennyPine: Sorry! Sorry...sorry...Phone on silent! Just got out of the shower, started watching the news while I ate breakfast. What did I miss?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Got a call back from a friend of mine in Los Angeles. He told me I'm an idiot.

PerilousPennyPine: Did you deserve it?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Yes.

PerilousPennyPine: WOW lol

A_Boy_Named_Sue: The receiving account isn't in Seattle.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: It's in San Jose.

PerilousPennyPine: And this means...

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Not much, other than I can't tell a 5 from an 8 on a transit number.

PerilousPennyPine: Maybe you need sleep too.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Which is why I'm going to let you go. I've got to be at work in three hours.

PerilousPennyPine: I hope this is all worth it.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: I'm feeling better, I don't know about you.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Happy to give up a little sleep, if it means proving Ishmael innocent.

PerilousPennyPine: You know, now I've got another thought stuck in my head.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: What's that?

PerilousPennyPine: San Jose...is that Arizona or Nevada?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Neither. It's in California. And you suck at geography. But why do you ask?

PerilousPennyPine: Hang on, Google to the rescue.

PerilousPennyPine: Huh, that's what I thought.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Silicon Valley.

PerilousPennyPine: Exactly.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: One of Ishmael's business competitors?!?!

PerilousPennyPine: Maybe.

PerilousPennyPine: All the more reason now to find the original metadata on that video.

PerilousPennyPine: I want to see if someone was paid to fake a video.

PerilousPennyPine: Maybe then I can start to eliminate the impossible.







Friday 20 February 2015

How Ishmael Got His Name (Episode 20)

From: Ferryman
Sent: Tuesday, September 15, 2014 3:48 a.m.
To: Sumac, Sumac’s Other Email Addy, Pine, Pine’s backup addy
Subject: This would be easier by telephone.


Very well. since neither of you trust me as yet, we shall continue our introductions via email. Honestly, I don't know what the trouble is. You've no need to conceal your voices from me, since I know bloody well who both of you are.

Mr. Suso Sourenian, you and I have sat knee to knee during a rather dry and long-winded audit of my personal, international taxes from 2008 until 2011. You already know who I am. You even know how many pairs of underwear I buy in an average year, and you have the receipts to prove it.

And as for you, Ms. Penny Walkingbird, we danced together at Ishmael's birthday party in 2006. It saddens me to see how quickly you've forgotten my charming demeanour and superb footwork. You were wearing a blue velvet gown and a tasteful, but rather economical, faux-diamond, faux-sapphire necklace. I see, however, that you've recently had your hair shaved nearly to the scalp. I'm actually rather taken by the new pixie look. It's really quite becoming on you.

And if that isn't enough to win you over, allow me to toss all protocol to the wind and prove that I trust you two by simply coming out and saying, "Hello, my name is Anders Jewell Anderson, the oldest man alive." Born June 6th, 1837, if you must know. America was only sixty-one years old when I was born, and it took another thirty more before Canada became its own country. I was fifty when Sherlock Holmes first appeared in print. Suffice it to say, this is not my first rodeo. It is, however, my messiest rodeo to date.

Now that I've told you that much - in writing no less - it is now within your power to march over to Abram Haberman's desk and announce that I, Anders Jewell Anderson, am in cahoots with Owen Ishmael Chase wherein it concerns the protection and preservation of those precious few lycanthropic lives in Moldova and its surrounding environs. Furthermore, I shall go so far as to implicate Vice-Chair Chloe Anderson - my wife - in said illegal enclave of involuntary lycanthropes. Said shapeshifters, by the way, are hardy wolf-types with exquisite silver coats, in case you were still looking for a worthy forebear, my dear Ms. Pine.

Now, having performed the obligatory formalities, let us continue.

I feel it necessary to resolve any remaining doubt that Ishmael is in any sort a criminal. It is true that he has withheld funds from Wyrd, but that in no way means that he has been stealing from Wyrd. As you have seen, Mr. Sumac, there are cases of embezzlement afoot in our sprawling organization, and you have already proven that Ishmael is not to blame. (Before you ask, I'm at a loss who might have done it, but I do have several guesses. And no, for once it wasn't me.)

Allow me to regale you with the story of why I gave this feline great-heart the name of Ishmael.

In 1982, I was a part-time field operations agent, as you are now, Ms. Pine. My wife was already serving on the board of directors, though not yet in her role as Vice-President.

I had first been deployed to Mississippi, where a small enclave of were-panthers had taken up residence and quite decimated the local poultry industry. I was dispatched in the hopes that perhaps I might determine the level of threat they presented, understand more about their most intriguing and non-lycanthropic nature, and furthermore, bring them into the fold, as it were. Sadly, this was not to be. They were far more vicious as human beings than in their feline form, and they spent considerably more time in their feline form than as anything else. With great alacrity - and much regret - I put a quick, quiet, and thorough end to them all.

A month later, I was redeployed to New Orleans in response to sightings of a circus animal running about on its hind legs, terrorizing several of the county's most productive chicken and dairy farms. Since he was such a risk to our secrecy and security, Wyrd issued a k/c/q, with explicit instructions to kill the rogue on sight. I volunteered, as I felt it necessary to correct my own errors and complete the task I had begun in Mississippi.

By the time I arrived, there was already a posse with dogs hot in pursuit of said bipedal feline. Unfortunately, I stumbled across a two-man party of said vigilante mob, who had been quite recently drowned in a swamp near Lake Pontchartrain. There, some half-drowned lycanthrope had initiated a change and left his pheromones behind, which triggered a change in yours truly. I was forced to flee from human eyes, but sadly, I hadn't been quite quick enough. Being bipedal and of dark fur myself, you can imagine the rather comedic confusion I had engendered.

I needed to find shelter in which to complete the change and return to human form. The only adequate concealed space I could find was an old country doctor's home, long abandoned. In the basement were the remains - so to speak - of a funeral parlour, complete with empty coffins.

Suddenly there came a tapping at the door. Thinking that it was the posse come to find me, I threw on on heavy rubber gloves, a musty old lab coat, a hair net, and a crumbling paper face mask. At the very least, I thought to disguise my remaining lycanthropic features; at very best, I could frighten the dickens out of them by pretending to be the ghost of an old, mad doctor in his secret lair.

Instead, what should I see but a slightly feline head poking through the crack between door and frame. It was he, my quarry. His face was bloody, but he didn't seem wounded. Clearly, this was not his blood. I knew would have a body waiting for me to bury, once I was done putting down this most unusual rogue.

Oh, if you could have seen him in those days. Nothing more than shallow changes, a lifting his fuzzy ears, lengthening of his teeth, and an absolute mockery of his already unruly hair. And when he was human, he wasn't much better! Crooked teeth, dull green eyes, cockeyed smile, and a chin-length pageboy cut of brownish hair. Oh, the 1980s...how I miss them.

Of course, I was a good agent, despite my advanced years. I had a mission to complete, and there, before me, was a half-made lycanthrope, signalling me closer. I should mention: he was as naked as the day he was born, and not nearly as lushly furred as he is these days.

I told him, "Son, I'm sorry, but I've come to kill you." He tilted his head and signalled me closer again. I said, "Son, you've been killing animals and endangering the rest of us. I have to kill you." He was still in-cycle, becoming more and more feline as I spoke. I confess, my animal heart softened that day, and I wished aloud that he would simply run and learn to hide more effectively. Instead of running, he frowned at me, and he entered, reaching for my shirt. So I put my knife in his chest.

That cat yelped, took the knife out of his chest, growled at me, gave the knife back to me, and then took me by the hand to lead me out of that cellar.

Clearly, this was not a cat of the same ilk as those I had slain in Mississippi.

What I hadn't realized until then was that the house was utterly surrounded by that posse. The boy wouldn't - or couldn't - speak, but he made his meaning clear with gestures, showing me that there was a way up through the abandoned house, through a second storey window, and into an anicent grove of trees.

That silly bugger was trying to rescue me from the posse, even after I put a knife in his lung.

Sadly, I took too long to respond. The posse burst in through front and back door, just as the boy and I reached the top of the cellar stairs. He was downcycling but not nearly fast enough, and panic was making downcycling devilishly tricky for me as well. We were utterly without escape routes. So we returned to the basement to inventory our options.

That's when I told the boy to lie down on the big metal table where they prepare bodies for burial. I apologized profusely, begged him to play dead, and then I performed a Y-incision on his chest, slicing across his now hairless ribs from both sides, toward his sternum, then right down to his pelvic bone. I opened his torso and exposed his organs. Lastly, I covered up his still-feline face with a moldy towel. How he stayed so quiet through the ordeal, I'll never know, but it is his superhuman self-control to which I owe my life.

At the very moment the posse barged into the cellar, I looked up, scalpel in one hand, Ishmael's large intestine in the other. And since I was still in-cycle, my yellow-brown eyes reflected back their flashlights. With a shriek, the leading cowboy flung out his arms, barricading everyone else from coming in.

And then I threw back my head and laughed at them.

All of which goes to prove that the only thing scarier than a werewolf is a human being.

Anyways, it bought us the time we needed. They ran away, leaving a prodigious trail of urine behind. Their flight gained us a precious few minutes before they recovered their wits. Ishmael healed up nicely as he fully downcycled and was once again coherent, though he knew nothing of his identity or history, save that he was in and out of cat form nearly once every two days. He was still in his false starts and wouldn't come into his regular six-day cycle until the end of that same year.

Now that were human and for the moment safe, the question became: how to sneak a naked young man out of an abandoned funeral home, across twenty states, and into Canada without being noticed?

The answer was all around us.

I transported Ishmael out of state in someone else's coffin, while driving a stolen hearse.

To this day, I do not know if Ishmael had fled the enclave in Mississippi long before I arrived, or if he had narrowly escaped my wrath in Mississippi and lost all prior memory of me by the time he had arrived in Louisiana. Nor do I know if he is the orphan of a completely different tribe of cats - if an orphan at all. The Mississippi five were as powerful and as clever as he, but they retained nothing of their humanity; and yet here was this creature with unfathomable self-control, in-cycle and out. Could he have been infected by the same rabid strain of feline virus, if so remarkably unique in his comportment? Perhaps he was one of their kin, but immune to whatever feline-rabies had overwhelmed the rest of his pride. We may never know.

Many have speculated that he is the last of his kind.

For my part, there is a speculation that keeps me awake at night, now more than ever. If I had missed one were-panther - Ishmael - could I have missed two?

That must remain another mystery for another night, for we have much work to do, if we mean to rescue my boy from quarantine.

But as for his name...

In biblical terms, Ishmael is the first born (and some would argue illegitimate) son of the patriarch Abraham - then known as Abram. And though it was the favoured son Isaac who would go on to found the nation of Israel, Ishmael - chased from his home by Abram's wife Sarai - would go on to be the father of kings in his own right. From the start, I had known that Abram Haberman would never accept the boy into his family, and I always knew Ishmael was meant for great and wonderful things.

In historical terms, Owen Chase was the first mate of the Essex, a whaling vessel that had been rammed twice by a sperm whale. The ship later sank, and he, with two other men, escaped to a barely habitable island to await rescue. His story went on to inspire Herman Melville, who wrote the epic Moby Dick.

Speaking of which...

In literary terms, Ishmael was the lone survivor of the Pequoid, the whaling ship of infamous Captain Ahab, that monomaniac who had chased the Great White Whale to the ends of the earth. Ishmael's mighty companion Queequeg, believing himself on the verge of death, had commissioned the carving of a wooden coffin, and it was in this coffin that Ishmael had escaped the wrath of the whale.

In other words, Ishmael had been ferried out of death's maw by hiding inside a coffin meant for another man.

...Perhaps it is better that I wrote this down instead of pouring it into your ears. Spilling this much truth is thirsty work indeed.

The reason why I tell you all this is to ask you: would a cold-blooded madman take a knife to the chest and then give it back? Would a wanton, mindless criminal try his damnedest to lead his would-be killer to safety? Would a ravening beast allow a stranger like me to cut open his belly and hold his living organs, if it meant saving both our lives?

Would a man like Ishmael, who has lost every single known member of his own breed, allow so many others to die abroad, simply because Abram Haberman had decreed it thus?

Ishmael does not deserve to die in that quarantine. He has done nothing wrong. He has saved countless lives - including yours. He will continue to do great things, if we rout the enemies from his path.

My wife and I are here to help you in any way possible, so long as it results with the rescue of my foster son from that hellhole, and putting an end to the madness that is destroying Wyrd.

It was I who advised Dr. Gil Burton to involve you two in our informal investigations. Yes, you may trust him. He is the last, reliable ally Ishmael has, aside from the four of us.

Do not hesitate to contact me at your earliest convenience.

Most cordially yours,
Anders Jewell Anderson.

P.S. Mr. Sumac, I do agree it's no one's business but yours, should you wear plaid shirts with comfortable shoes. But, for the love of mercy, don't wear blue pinstripe pants with said ensemble. As they say, "Clothes make the man."






Wednesday 18 February 2015

The Ferryman Barges In (Episode 19)

From: Sumac’s Other Email Addy
Sent: Monday, September 14, 2014 10:00 p.m.
To: Pine’s backup addy
Subject: New level of weird (Wyrd?)


So I got this email today, and at first I'm like..."why are you sending this to me??"

The email was from Dr. Gil Burton, and it was sent to Bridget Carnegie.

My name didn't appear in the 'to' field, and it didn't appear in the 'cc' field. 

And even if it did, same question: why are you sending this to me????

Dr. Gil Burton has bcc'd me on an email about a couple of questionable line items in the 2009 budget, pretending to ask Bridget about them directly. He even gave her a Wyrd account number to look into.

I've got a sneaking feeling that Dr. Burton wants me to look into it personally, and he doesn't want Bridget to know about my involvement.




-----


From: Pine
Sent: Monday, September 14, 2014 10:23 p.m.
To: Sumac2
Subject: re: New level of weird (Wyrd?)


Actually, it does make sense, him reaching out to you. He's on the Exec Council, even if he doesn't have any voting powers. Maybe he saw your name on the embezzlement investigation you ran on Ishmael. So he knows you're A-OK in the forensic accounting department.

Question is, why keep it secret from Bridget?

What were the line items?

~Pine~

-----


From: Sumac’s Other Email Addy
Sent: Monday, September 14, 2014 10:31 p.m.
To: Pine’s backup addy
Subject: New level of weird (Wyrd?)


Surveillance equipment, trucks, fuel, food, computers, and weapons - everything a team would need during the ramp up for the Wyndham quarantine.

The stuff Dr. Burton is questioning comes to about $250,000. No penny ante stuff there. But it was all approved. I even found the signed receipts to match, with withdrawals from the account Dr. Burton mentioned. Everything above board. In June 2009, the quarter million goes into the account. The quarter million goes out of the account during various, pre-approved purchases, and every receipt down to the lowest Starbucks single order is accounted for by July 12, 2009. So I figured the doctor is out...of his mind.

But then I went looking through the account actions for a full month, and then to three months.

Starting on September 5th, I start seeing cash deposits. Ten thousand here. Fifty thousand there. By October 10th, the account has received $325,000 in cash deposits.

Profit.

I'll need to do more digging, but it looks a lot like someone's buying Wyrd approved equipment with Wyrd approved funds, then turning around and selling all that equipment on the black market. Considering that the purchaser was approved to pick up some high-capacity semi-automatic weapons from the States, I'm not surprised how fast someone could turn a profit on the guns alone.

And if that wasn't enough...

On October 15, 2009, there's a transfer of $250,000. I can't tell who it belongs to, but based on bank, branch and transit numbers, it looks like it's an account in Seattle.

So yeah...looks like another case of embezzlement.


-----


From: Pine
Sent: Monday, September 14, 2014 10:33 p.m.
To: Sumac2
Subject: re: New level of weird (Wyrd?)


Ishmael again?

~Pine~

-----



From: Sumac’s Other Email Addy
Sent: Monday, September 14, 2014 10:37 p.m.
To: Pine’s backup addy
Subject: New level of weird (Wyrd?)



Actually, no. I can't tell who it is, but I know it isn't Ishmael, because I was given all of his account numbers, and this isn't one of them.

I'm locked out of the thing that tells me whose account belongs to which employee ID. Besides, these receipts are all noted "Wyndham", which makes perfect sense to me now. And you say that Ishmael wasn't even aware of Wyndham to begin with.

And get this: there are two more events like that one in 2011, and three more this year.

In April of 2011, the account holder is approved for another $250,000, this time to buy and retrofit new vehicles. In September 2011, another $250,000 for more weapons.

January 2014, $250,000 for a massive networking overhaul. New computers, new servers, hiring an external company to build them - I can just see the angry exclamation point over your head. No wonder you had such an easy time of hacking the archives, hey?

May 2014, $150,000 for travel and bribes to rescue someone out of Myanmar.

June, 2014, $350,000 for a new safehouse in Wyoming.

And the same thing happens every time. Money goes in. Money goes out within a month. Receipts are tendered. Everyone is happy. Three months later, money comes back in, one cash deposit at a time, a profit is made, and a $250,000 transfer is processed to the account in Seattle. The last transfer was at the end of August, just a couple of weeks ago.

That's $1.5M gone. A million and a half bucks of Wyrd money, gone.

You want to know who profits if Ishmael is out of the picture?

My answer? A millionaire does.

I think Dr. Burton is onto something. 

-----


From: Pine
Sent: Monday, September 14, 2014 10:52 p.m.
To: Sumac2
Subject: re: New level of weird (Wyrd?)


Yeah, he's onto something. He's onto you.

Seriously, you think we can trust him? Before you answer...


----

Kill/Capture/Quarantine Report
Case file: EV
Name: Eva Foster, MD
AKA: n/a

Added to kill/capture list: December 30th, 2009
Date of capture: December 30th, 2009

Metrics at time of kill/capture:
Height: 5’5”
Weight: 115 lbs
Age: 47
Sex: female
Location of capture: The Bunker
Occupation: chief medical officer, chief researcher

Infection status: suspected

Wyrd Agent(s) Assigned: Gil Burton, PhD
Additional assistance: n/a
Status: Successful capture. Interned in quarantine.

Suspected Vector(s):
1) The Padre

Capture notes:

Padre warned he felt a false start coming on. Foster entered quarantine in full biohazard gear to administrate tranquillizers. Padre had his false start and began to transform. Change pheromones flooded the holding cell, triggering the change in three more patients. One blocked the door, preventing Foster’s escape. Padre tore through Foster’s biohazard suit. Foster was injured.

Because it is too soon for the infection to incubate, Foster has volunteered to remain in quarantine with the patients indefinitely.

Other notes:
Get us a bigger quarantine or they’ll kill each other, and Foster with them.

Signed:


Gil Burton, PhD

-----

So, he's been in on quarantine this whole time, which means he's also kept it a secret from Ishmael.

~Pine~



-----



From: Sumac’s Other Email Addy
Sent: Monday, September 14, 2014 11:20 p.m.
To: Pine’s backup addy
Subject: New level of weird (Wyrd?)


I don't know. 

But I do know we're definitely into dangerous waters, because as soon as I hit send that last time, my phone started ringing again.


-----


From: Pine
Sent: Monday, September 14, 2014 11:23 p.m.
To: Sumac2
Subject: re: New level of weird (Wyrd?)


Keep a log of the calls. Get right down to the minute and second, if you can.


-----


From: Sumac’s Other Email Addy
Sent: Monday, September 14, 2014 11:24 p.m.
To: Pine’s backup addy
Subject: New level of weird (Wyrd?)


I have been, ever since the first night of calls. I'll send you the list of times and dates.

I don't see how it's going to help, though. The number only comes up as blocked.


-----


From: Pine
Sent: Monday, September 14, 2014 11:26 p.m.
To: Sumac2
Subject: re: New level of weird (Wyrd?)


I'm going to cross-reference your calls against the call logs from Angie Burley's office.


-----


From: Sumac’s Other Email Addy
Sent: Monday, September 14, 2014 11:27 p.m.
To: Pine’s backup addy
Subject: New level of weird (Wyrd?)


Angie Burley? What the hell for?

-----


From: Pine
Sent: Monday, September 14, 2014 11:28 p.m.
To: Sumac2
Subject: re: New level of weird (Wyrd?)


Same question we've been asking ourselves: who benefits?

If Ishmael is being framed, someone must have a reason for doing it. So far, I see only one person who is getting any benefit out of Ishmael's incarceration: the person who can now take over his role permanently. Our Chief Field Operations Manager, Angie Burley.


-----


From: Sumac’s Other Email Addy
Sent: Monday, September 14, 2014 11:34 p.m.
To: Pine’s backup addy
Subject: New level of weird (Wyrd?)


Well, okay, but that doesn't explain why Gil Burton would trust me to look into this account.

Unless he knows that Angie is spying on me, and he's hoping that she'll catch me looking into the case?

God, I wish they would stop calling me, though! It's getting so I can't hear myself think!

Never mind. I'm unplugging the phone.


-----


From: Pine
Sent: Tuesday, September 15, 2014 12:28 a.m.
To: Sumac2
Subject: re: New level of weird (Wyrd?)


Well, there are two things I can say.

One, they call you, and then they immediately call me.

Two, the call logs don't line up with either Angie Burley's office number or her cell.

What I want to know is how they found out home phone numbers!!! That, and where can I find this guy so I can hang him in a meat locker and stab him for every call he's placed.




-----


From: Ferryman
Sent: Tuesday, September 15, 2014 12:29 a.m.
To: Sumac, Sumac’s Other Email Addy, Pine, Pine’s backup addy
Subject: No meat lockers.


Meat lockers are too public, too cold, and too difficult to clean. 

Besides, for all my powers of regeneration, I hate the sight of my own blood.

Now, would either of you kindly pick up the blasted telephone so I can initiate 3-way calling?








Monday 16 February 2015

The Madness is Catching (Episode 18)

From: Pine
Sent: Tuesday, September 15, 2014 1:01 a.m.
To: Sumac2
Subject: Why couldn't it have been Jay?


I sat down and had a good long think about all this, and I figure there's one more thing you have to hear before we really start digging to exonerate Ishmael. Before you commit, you have to know the full risks, especially considering you've never been in field ops.

I didn’t tell you at the time because everything was happening at once, and because Larch asked me not to tell anybody. But screw it. You and I are already in deep trouble. In for a penny, in for a pound.

You remember when I was sent to replace somebody for a surveillance thing out in BC? Got food poisoning?

When I was out there, I partnered with Larch. Jay was field command. It was the first time I've had to work with him in about two years.

Jay has always been a bit of an ass, but never this bad. And she tried to warn me, but she never gave me the details. She even tried to get me to swap missions with another of our friends. At the time, I took it personally, like, what, suddenly she doesn't trust me on a field op? But then...God...

Lately, he's been walking around smiling at strangers like he’s laughing at them, mocking them for not realizing how close they are to a cold-blooded killer. He doesn’t even care that people can see his proto-fangs. It's almost like he's trying to get caught. 

Larch told me later that he’s been walking into men bigger than him to get them to start a fight. Thank God, we’ve been lucky so far, and the bigger guys just walk away. It’s like they can sense he’s…I don’t know, like he’s not right in the head.

He smiles at your throat, and never at your face.

But around Larch, he’s like two different people. 

One second he’s telling her all the things she’s done wrong, yelling at her for how much danger she’s put her team in, saying how much he ought to retire her from field ops, which is bad. No humans ever ‘retire’ from field ops. They get promoted, or they get killed.

And in the next second, Jay’s bringing her sushi or chocolate and coffee, and asking her if she can make her physical training regimen available to all the other human agents in Wyrd. Telling her how clever she was to do this or do that, how brave she was during that other field ops.

Wednesday night, when Jay was in his own room, Larch told me that Jay wants to promote her early. Six years early. Fifteen years is the standard. Some folks don't get promoted until they're in their thirtieth or fortieth year, because they want to live a long and healthy human life before making the jump. But Larch isn't even thirty years old yet.

That same Wednesday night, Larch told me that she had been thinking of switching her requested forebear from Jay to someone else. Then she tells me she's approached Bridget instead.

Jay overheard us from the room next door and he lost it. He barged into our hotel room and grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a shake and said she could forget about the promotion. Then he realizes the door is open, so he goes back and slams it shut, and then he went after her again, throwing her on the bed and pointing his fingers at her. 

He ignored me completely, and I just sat there being small and invisible. One bite and my human life is over, with no say in who is my forebear. Two bites, and my life is over, period. As a human, he’s strong enough to drive my head through a brick wall. As a lycanthrope, he’s strong enough to knock my head from my neck. The only thing either of us can do is try to de-escalate the situation, and if we can't, we have to find a way to kill him fast, then deal with situation containment later.

Anyhow, she talks him off the ledge and rolls off the bed. Every time she moves, Jay moves, so she manipulates him to clear a path for me to get out of the room. But I wasn't going to leave her there alone. Screw that.

Then he went on for half an hour telling her everything she’d done wrong in the last six months. Every time she tried to get away from him, he’d just stand in her way, like almost chest-to-chest. At some point, she just got sick of it. She told him to back off. He pushed her and made her fall into me and the computer desk. Then he picks her up off the floor and slams her against a wall, and she’s just staring him in the eyes, like she’s daring him to kill her.

So I tell Jay, “You’re too loud. People out in the hall can hear you. We’re going to end up compromising the whole mission if people hear what you say.”

My God, Sumac.

I have seen weres before.

I have even seen weres when they’re upcycling.

What I saw in his face…

First he turns to me and his eyes change colour and get farther apart. Then the bones in his face start shifting and he starts to laugh, and his tongue gets longer before his teeth do. And he’s laughing harder and harder, panting, and grunting, and all of a sudden I wanted to just run and vomit.

Then Larch…I kid you not…slapped him across the face even as it was turning into a muzzle.

I knew we were dead. Dead, dead, dead. Here was a werewolf, in a hotel room, in a crowded downtown area not four doors down from a police station, losing his humanity, and about to rip the stuffing out of us. And Larch had slapped him. She hit him so hard even my hand hurt.

But then he starts coming back from the change and he cracks his neck and smiles a little and he apologizes. Then he says, "Six months. Max."

And then he walks out, like nothing ever happened.

We called up Angie Burley after that, and we told her everything that had happened. She said she'd get in touch with Chairman Haberman right away. We've never heard back. Instead, she's still sending Larch out on missions with Jay - no one else, just her and Jay - and she's kept me locked up here at home.

I’ve maybe slept eighteen hours since we left BC last week.

And my phone won’t stop ringing.

So tell me now.

Do you still want to go up against people like that?







Friday 13 February 2015

Into the fire (Episode 17)

PerilousPennyPine: I had it all worked out in my head, you know?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: That Ishmael is a bad SOB?

PerilousPennyPine: No, I mean, my own future, you know? Work for Wyrd for fifteen years, raise enough money to...do...stuff...

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Travel, buy a house...

PerilousPennyPine: No, leave money for my family, send some nieces and nephews to college, pay for my own "burial..."

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Ah. Promotion. Yeah, doesn't sound so appealing now, does it?

PerilousPennyPine: It still is appealing. It was the one thing that got me out of bed every day. And Ishmael telling me everything I needed to know about transitioning, how to stay private, how to know when you're about to change and how *not* to, at least until you've run off to some place safe...

A_Boy_Named_Sue: I guess.

PerilousPennyPine: Spent the last fifteen years literally hoping I would grow up to become just like him.

PerilousPennyPine: If you get bit by Jay, your wolf form looks like Jay's wolf form, right? Get bitten by Bridget Carnegie, you turn into a fricking hyena-woman every month. But Ishmael? God, have you ever seen him in his other form? You'll be up to your wrist in velvety fur before you poke him.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: That would be a bad idea. I mean, for one thing, think of the shedding. For another, black fur in summer? Not fun. Besides all that, then you've got to deal with biases in Wyrd.

PerilousPennyPine: Didn't seem like a bad idea at the time. He didn't seem so insane until this week. Jeez, what is it with lycanthropes losing their minds this month? Him, Jay, now Angie Burley?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Even if he was sane, it's still a bad idea to go like Ishmael.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Assuming his virus *is* catching, I mean.

PerilousPennyPine: It was a long shot, I know. But I couldn't think of anyone else I liked enough.

PerilousPennyPine: Everyone else is so...vanilla. With the exception of Bridget and Jay, you've got your choice of black wolf, brown wolf, or grey wolf.

PerilousPennyPine: Well, that, and your choice of tail versus no-tail.

PerilousPennyPine: And is it just me, or do tail-less werewolves just look funny?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Yes.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: It is just you.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: I have yet to meet a lycanthrope that hasn't made me crap my pants, tail or no tail.

PerilousPennyPine: Good point.

PerilousPennyPine: Anyhow, Ishmael doesn't have a tail, and he says he always feels a little off balance, unless he's running uphill on all fours.

PerilousPennyPine: Between that and all this nonsense about his criminal activities, I've had to go back to the drawing board and rethink my options.

PerilousPennyPine: Six months, and I've got my seniority enough for promotion.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Still think it's a bad idea.

PerilousPennyPine: I don't. I've had my DNA scanned and I'm a suitable candidate. I've got my experience. And I hear the training up at Varco Lake is great. Smooth transition from human to lycanthrope with practically no memory loss of your life prior to infection.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Another one of Ishmael's inventions.

PerilousPennyPine: Oh yeah?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: He came up with the process after Bridget's whole ordeal.

PerilousPennyPine: What do you mean?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: You don't know about Bridget?

PerilousPennyPine: I know she once bent an Allen key with her teeth.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: He came up with the program after helping Bridget through her first changes.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Back in the late 90s, someone started tearing through women at a park in some suburban town. Five women dead in as many months.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: There's this one woman. She goes out walking her dog at night. Lycanthrope picks her next. Dog attacks, but the werewolf kills it. But, werewolf is injured. Bridget gets scared, but instead of running, she starts fighting too.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: But pretty soon it's clear, she's going to lose. So she turns to run.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: He chases her down. Tears her to pieces. Leaves her for dead.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Next day or so, Jay and Ishmael are in town, still trying to track this rogue down so they can kill him. Both Jay and Ishmael for one guy - that's how sneaky and dangerous this rogue is.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: They go into the hospital to check on her, see if she's going to be a risk to Wyrd and werewolves everywhere.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Jay says, "We should kill her. She's a witness."

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Ishmael says, "We should fake her death, because she's our only witness. Take her back to Varco Lake, let the infection take hold, get a look at the lycanthrope-type she becomes."

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Jay says, "We have to kill her. She's going to turn out like her own attacker. Even her human face is going to change, because of him. How fair is that for her?"

PerilousPennyPine: OMG. Jay actually said something nice? About a woman?!

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Ishmael says, "We should let her decide."

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Jay says, "Ha ha, she's on a respirator and totally drugged up. We have to make the decision for her."

A_Boy_Named_Sue: And legend has it, that's when she reached through the bed railings and grabbed Jay by the junk. Ishmael says, "We let nature take its course, and we train her to be the baddest ass of them all. Give her the power to go after her own attacker and take him down."

PerilousPennyPine: And then they discovered she wasn't a werewolf, but a were-hyena.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: And *that* was the one and only time Jay ever said that Ishmael had the better idea. Because in nature, it's the female hyena who trumps over the males. Bigger, stronger.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Nature's ultimate straight-butch.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Hyena versus wolf? Probably a tough battle. Hyena versus cat? Probably the hyena's gonna win, just on bite power alone.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: But male-hyena against female-hyena? He's gonna be dragging his own ass away, if he can move at all.

PerilousPennyPine: And what's that got to do with the transition program?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: That was part of the agreement. Ishmael would find a way to help Bridget keep her memories during the change, so that she would remember why she agreed to become what she is.

PerilousPennyPine: So she'd still feel a need to get revenge.

PerilousPennyPine: Stay motivated and sharp. I get it.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Hell, why not ask her to be your forebear?

PerilousPennyPine: Ha. No.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: No tail?

PerilousPennyPine: Among other things.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Yeah, your better off as an actual werewolf.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: The more classic the shape, the better.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Take it from me. Being one-of-a-kind is not all it's cracked up to be.

PerilousPennyPine: Well, not so one-of-a-kind now, huh? Not with those eight other kitties out there somewhere.

PerilousPennyPine: What about you? I know you're still a couple of years away, but have you thought about what you want to be when you grow up?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: I'm on the DNP list.

PerilousPennyPine: Do Not Promote?

PerilousPennyPine: Why, because you've got a pre-existing condition?

PerilousPennyPine: Ah, like those people in quarantine. If you're genetically prone to Cystic Fibrosis, even if you've never had a single symptom before, you die of CF before your first change.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: No. There's "technically" nothing wrong with my DNA.

PerilousPennyPine: Oh...is it because of your religion?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: What, atheism? No.

PerilousPennyPine: I don't get it then.

PerilousPennyPine: Never mind, I'm prying.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Let's put it this way.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: If you're a werewolf and you get shot, what happens to the bullet hole when you change back to human form?

PerilousPennyPine: You heal.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: If you get a tattoo when you're a human and then you get promoted, what happens to the tattoo?

PerilousPennyPine: It goes away and it heals over.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: And scars?

PerilousPennyPine: They go away.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Amputations?

PerilousPennyPine: Uh...I've never heard about it happening, but I guess the limb grows back?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Basically, your body is going to default back to its genetic blueprint, right?

PerilousPennyPine: Right.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: So, what happens if your genetic blueprint says "You have lousy eyesight", but you've had laser eye surgery?

PerilousPennyPine: Ooh...you go back to having lousy eyesight.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: And you go back in for more surgery, and a month later, you wolf-out again.

PerilousPennyPine: Back to being blind as a bat.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Exactly.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Take it a step further.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Does that mean a Jewish werewolf has to be circumcized every twenty-eight days?

PerilousPennyPine: OMG...

PerilousPennyPine: I'm so going to hell. I can't stop laughing right now.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: You get the idea?

PerilousPennyPine: And you said you were Muslim by heritage.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: I am.

PerilousPennyPine: So you don't want to be promoted because you don't want to get your wiener nipped every month.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Take a look at my screen name, Pine.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Figure it out.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Take your time.

PerilousPennyPine: ...

PerilousPennyPine: Wait, so...all this time I thought...

PerilousPennyPine: OMG.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Yeah.

PerilousPennyPine: Really?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Yeah.

PerilousPennyPine: Like...cross-dressing or post-op?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Post-op.

PerilousPennyPine: See, this is one more reason why I like chatting virtually.

PerilousPennyPine: I probably would have had a completely different opinion of you, if I had known you weren't born male. Now that I know...<shrug> It totally doesn't seem to matter. Guess I've still got my own hangups too.

PerilousPennyPine: Thank you.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: For what?

PerilousPennyPine: Trusting me enough to tell me.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Yeah, my secret-agent instincts are cursing me right now for having divulged personal info, but I dunno. Didn't see any reason why I should keep it quiet from you anymore.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: So yeah, when I say being unique isn't all its cracked up to be?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: I mean it.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: It's no fun being the only Arabic, lapsed Muslim, transgender accordion player in town.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: I mean, you don't even have to be a different kind of shapeshifter to get the snot kicked out of you. All you have to do is show up wearing comfortable shoes and a plaid shirt. Undergo HRT and start growing facial hair, and you qualify for a free ride to the emergency room. If they go easy on you.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: And when they're not in animal form, Wyrd agents are still the same human beings you run into on the street. Most of them don't care. But some of them...?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Whatever. At any rate, on the books, I've already been "promoted".

A_Boy_Named_Sue: On the books, it says I died of my injuries.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: On the books, it says I died when my family dumped gasoline on me and set me on fire. The second time.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: That old me, the one who was a dishonour to her in-laws? That person is officially in her grave and finally at peace. I have a picture of the gravemarker on my desk, as a reminder.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: A promotion would exhume her. Over, and over, and over.

PerilousPennyPine: So you're saying...even if a promotion was the only way to save your life after an attack...then you would rather die?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: I guess yeah, that's what I'm saying.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: I would rather die as the person I *am* than go back to being the person everyone says I'm supposed to be.

PerilousPennyPine: You work with lycanthropes all the time. There's always a risk that someone could snap and attack you.

PerilousPennyPine: So why would you take that risk, day after day?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Simple.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: So I can do whatever it takes to prevent any involuntary infection.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Even if that means destroying the carrier through forensic accounting.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Even if that means taking down Ishmael, himself.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: And after everything he's done for Bridget, for Wyrd...

A_Boy_Named_Sue: I never told you, did I...About the fire, about my faked death?

PerilousPennyPine: I never bothered to ask, either.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Three guesses who literally pulled me out of the fire.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: And who faked my death.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: And later set fire to the entire village?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Hint: no one died in that fire, even though every building and crop was destroyed.

PerilousPennyPine: Ishmael.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Right in one.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: And that's why this investigation is killing me.

PerilousPennyPine: Sumac...

PerilousPennyPine: What if he's innocent?

PerilousPennyPine: If he is as good a Wyrd agent as we thought he was?

PerilousPennyPine: If maybe he did like Jay claimed, and kept all those Moldovans alive, if he's been embezzling money to keep them safe...?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: I don't know.

PerilousPennyPine: What if we combined our powers to try and prove him innocent?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: The two of us, against the entire Wyrd Council?

PerilousPennyPine: Yeah.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: You and me, against the likes of people like Jay, and Bridget, and Haberman, and all the other werewolves who disagree with us?

PerilousPennyPine: Yes.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Okay.

PerilousPennyPine: We should do it?

A_Boy_Named_Sue: It's better than feeling like I've shot the man who saved my life. So yeah. Why not. I've already been dead once. You get used to it after a while.

PerilousPennyPine: Okay, then. Let's do it.

PerilousPennyPine: Hang on a sec. Phone.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: Okay that was weird.

A_Boy_Named_Sue: My phone rang at the exact same time.

A_Boy_Named_Sue is typing...