Monday, 26 January 2015

This is why accountants are bad for business (Episode 9)

Sent: Tues 2014-09-02 @ 9:45 PM
From: Sumac’s Other Email Addy
To: Pine’s backup addy
Subject: pretty sure this is how I die

I’ve got to stop hanging around with people like you.

I found a folder that’s password protected on our intranet. I couldn’t figure out the password at all. And then I had a stroke of evil genius. And now I’m feeling sick to my stomach.

My boss is a bit of a dunce when it comes to computers. A few weeks ago, he was having problems with his accounting program, so he called me over to his desk. Idiot wrote down his password on a piece of paper in his desk, and left it out for everyone to see. I remember trying over and over to pronounce the word, until I finally realized it was the title of a Prozzak song (Omobolasire, if you didn’t already guess it). Pretty much forgot about it for months, because my boss is boring, and I thought he had nothing hack-worthy to spy on.

Anyhow, I logged out of my system and signed in under his username and password. Okay, it doesn’t count as actual hacking, but it does make me feel a bit like a bad ass. Anyhow, his systems permissions are higher than mine, and I was able to access that folder.

But seriously, this is how I die.

I found a budget report for this thing called Wyndham Farms. I thought at first that this was where we were getting that Grade A beef Wyrd is always ordering to keep Varco Lake so well stocked.

Clearly not.

I found the Farm. The quarantine.

This is the budget summary I found for them. Just the budget. Not the actuals.

How do you go from over $1.5M in food down to $28k in four years??? And how did they know two years in advance how much less they'd need????

2012 W.F. Budget Summary Final With Forecast
Year Food ($) Medical ($) Research ($) Other ($) Total ($)
2011 1,098,000 241,500 20,000 100,000 1,459,500
2012 343,500 28,625 20,000 50,000 442,125
2013 166,500 0 15,000 0 181,500
2014 28,500 0 0 0 28,500
Grand Total 2,111,625


Sent: Tues 2014-09-02 @ 9:58 PM
From: Pine
To: Sumac2
Subject: Re: pretty sure this is how I die

They must have been using that research money to try and find a cure for whatever it is that's killing these people off, and then they just gave up. It takes millions and millions of dollars - to say nothing of the number of researchers involved - just to make a breakthrough in MS, for example. How much research did they think they could get, with only $20k in the pot per year?

Yeah, and at a glance, you'd think that was a hell of a lot of food, but when you break it down per person, per day, that's not a lot of money. And there were hundreds of people abducted and transported.

But I'm not surprised about the drop in numbers. People were dying off the moment the stepped out of the truck. It looks like a hell of a disease, whatever it is.

Sent: Tues 2014-09-02 @ 10:01 PM
From: Sumac’s Other Email Addy
To: Pine’s backup addy
Subject: Re: pretty sure this is how I die

You don't get it. We spent over $1M in food alone for these Wyndham people. We spend less than half of that at Varco Lake every year. And they've got unlimited beef.


Sent: Tues 2014-09-02 @ 10:03 PM
From: Pine
To: Sumac2
Subject: Re: pretty sure this is how I die


They're werewolves.

If no one has reported a strange conclave of hairy-ass people running around baying at the moon, then chances are, the quarantine is far away from civilization.

If they are out in the middle of our vast Canadian hinterland, then chances are pretty damned good that they're fending for themselves as werewolves often do. You know, with their teeth. After a while, they get the hang of hunting, so Wyrd doesn't have to buy so much food.

Just a damned shame that throw-away folks have no say in the matter.

Hell, maybe they were getting square meals for the first time in their lives...for as long as it lasted.

Sent: Wed 2014-09-03 @ 12:03 AM
From: Sumac’s Other Email Addy
To: Pine’s backup addy
Subject: Re: pretty sure this is how I die

You still don't get it.

That budget I sent you was the 2012 version of the document. In other words, they knew two years in advance taht they were going to slash teh budget by 2013, and decimate it this year.

And if that's not enough to get me killed, I've looked at teh month over month budget. We stopped buying food for htese people four months ago!!! And at first I thought, dayum, that means they're all dead already.

And then I saw this:

2012 W.F. Budget Summary Final With Forecast
Month 2011 2012 ($) 2013 ($) 2014 ($)
January 215 90 100 78
February 250 95 98 75
March 255 95 96 74
April 260 95 95 70
May 265 95 95 63
June 270 90 94 62
July 255 90 94 60
August 230 95 90 55
September 110 102 85 45
October 100 101 86 0
November 105 101 85 0
December 100 100 82 0

So at our worst, they were at 270 - like you said, hundreds of people abducted and quarantined. But look at the drop between August 2011 and September 2011. Like, wtf. Were half of them suddenly released into the wild, while the other half were doomed to stay put???

But look at our numbers right now. We stopped feeding them in June.

They're still in quarantine, Pine. They're still there, and we've stopped paying for their food. "Werewolves fending for themselves" be damned!!! They're only hairy once a month. What are they supposed to eat for the other twenty-nine days???

For that matter, like you said: they weren't all werewolves when they first got to quarantine. Some of them were as human as me and you. And we didn't just cut off their food. We cut off everything. Medical supplies. Clothes. Fuel. Ammunition for their own hunting. God, what were they expected to do, make their own spears and bows and arrows?

And what's with next month? What happens in October? Are they releasing the final 45, or do they expect they'll all be dead by then?

Pine, I think Wyrd's killing off the last survivors.

We're starving them to death.